Journal: It's So Over

We're so back (not really).

It's been a long time since I've made a post. I can sort of send my mind back in time.. put myself back in my own shoes.. being hopeful I'd find software work again and continue that path. I really enjoyed solving problems with code. I'd really love to do it again if someone would have me. But the job applications go nowhere. And when they do turn in to a talk with a recruiter, that never goes anywhere. I haven't even made it to a technical interview in the longest time and I can't even get excited about them anymore.

I've been working as a mailman for the past year and it's miserable. I thought it would be refreshing and enjoyable; being outside, doing something relatively simple, not having much pressure or stress.. I was wrong. Big time. I have never been so poorly compensated for doing so much. It's still probably better than working retail, but not by much. Anyways, my eyes are set on becoming an electrician now.

I'm not even sure it's what I "want" to do, but I know it's something I can do and have success doing. I hope that will spark some interest or desire or something in me. See, I wanted a good life: I wanted a good coding job that would allow me to have a good family and a good house and home. I saw how my mom would talk about me and my sister and it seemed like there was nothing more worthwhile than raising good kids and watching them succeed. I'm so far away from wanting anything close to that now: I just want to not hate my job.

See, my job is pretty much all I have been able to do. I would be worked very hard, which would tire me out from doing anything else, and I would work most days of the week. If I got a day off, it would usually be a weekday, so there wasn't much I could do with it anyways besides laundry and I didn't make much beyond just being able to survive. Plus, I wouldn't want to stay up too late either because I'd be back working the next day too. Back to ungrateful bosses and delivering trash. It's like 90% junk mail every damn day!

So: electrician. I hope one day I'll just be working for myself. Maybe I'll think about a family then too or something. How could we all let the world get so shitty?